I sat with Grandmother Ayahuasca last weekend for the first time

This was my experience

I had no prior intention of sitting with the medicine.

I signed up from a place of just wanting to be in a prayer portal for a long weekend.

Because there was tremendous safety, permission, and people I knew and trusted in attendance, coupled with an exquisite set + setting I decided to sit with the medicine when I arrived.

I was really scared because Breathwork already makes me trip and I have a very low tolerance.

But my spleen spoke (splenic projector here) and said yes.

So here we are.

It was a profound study of how to navigate the fear of the unknown...which is an ongoing theme in my life.

I titrated myself into the experience, gradually working myself up to more medicine with each round to see how my nervous system responded.

I asked for gentleness and Madre Aya was merciful and gentle as she performed psychic surgery on my womb clearing out sexual abuse from childhood.

I asked for help when I was scared and let myself be held in my grief and rage by strangers I now call sisters.

To my surprise, the purge came not in swells of putrid vomit, but a little bit at a time through tears, yells, laughter, dancing, shaking, and gentle poops.

I now understand why Breathwork is frequently compared to plant medicine journeys.

So much of the process was a familiar experience to breathwork and had me well-equipped to navigate the experience somatically and spiritually.

And while I’ve been looking at my shadow, trauma, and ego’s stories for over a decade now, we’re never done.

She showed me new layers and depths I was ready to work through and will continue to explore on this plant medicine path.

Although for me this experience was very positive, I cannot endorse it for everyone.

It’s easy to see just how much can go wrong without proper facilitation and integration support.

For anyone curious about doing this work, do your homework and thoroughly research first before considering sitting with this powerful medicine.

Talk to your therapist or licensed mental health professional first.

Have a proper preparation AND integration plan in place.

All in all, this was a life-changing experience and left me even more grateful for all Breathwork has done in my life to bring me here.

Gracias Medicina!

Gracias Breathwork!

and Gracias Spirit for gifting us with such potent tools to support us on our healing path.

With love, Lydia xo