How to Train Your Dragon

What my 2nd Ayahuasca sit taught me about the wounded feminine

I should have known when I saw a 6-foot black snake on my walk a few weeks ago.

Snakes, particularly black ones, have always shown up for me on the precipice of big life change.

After my first breathwork experience in 2017, I came home to find a black snake coiled up in my living room.

Later when I was beginning to train as a breathwork facilitator, another black snake showed up in my basement.

And now as I am entering a new chapter of life…this snake came to remind me it's time to shed another layer of skin.

Many indigenous cultures throughout the world recognize snakes as symbols of transformation, healing medicine, and the sacred power of Shakti Kundalini (feminine, creative life force energy.)

For the past few weeks I've been sharing with you about the feminine awakening I had in Slovakia, but what I haven't told you was just how disruptive this energy has been to my life.

After so many years of suppressing my sensuality and sexual expression (childhood sexual abuse trauma response), this wounded feminine energy has come pulsing through me like a teenage, uncontrollable, fire-breathing dragon.

• It's felt ungrounded, wild, and destructive.

• Powerful, magnificent, and intimidating.

• Electric, captivating, and damn-near overwhelming at times.

• Wounded Feminine Energy Qualities

• Victimhood

• Powerlessness

• Manipulation

• Withholding

• Neediness

• Co-dependency

• Reckless Destruction

• Taking everything personally

• ZERO boundaries

Since returning from Slovakia I have felt more ALIVE than ever before, but have been lacking the proper embodied masculine energy to hold space for this awakening.

I've been examining how the wounded feminine is showing up in my life and knew that life was asking me to heal this energy - BIG TIME.

ENTER, Ayahuasca…

I had MAJOR resistance before attending this ceremony.

The kind of feeling when you KNOW something is going to alter your life for the better, but it's scary because you aren't quite ready to let go of the ways things have always been.

One of my intentions during this ceremony was to learn how to “tame my dragon” AKA this wild kundalini energy and DAMN did I do about 20 lifetimes worth of study in 2 days of ceremony.

Night 1:

I drank 2 full cups of medicine and went through an underworld journey of grief, major physical discomfort, and pain.

As much as I wanted to, I didn't purge. The medicine guided me to learn how to channel the energy and surrender my plan to something far greater.

I danced with the darkest parts of me, offering them time and space to express in gut-curdling screams and primal moans.

I travelled through many lifetimes where my expression as a woman wasn't safe to be heard – and healed my womb with water-soaked rose petals and hours of singing.

I spoke in tongues, writhed on the floor like a snake, and flew like an eagle, time-traveling across time and space.

I learned to transmute pain into pleasure and greeted the darkness with a cackle and an all-knowing wink.

My prayer night one was “Show me what I need to know” and Grandmother delivered with the kind of clarity that left me in a state of PEACE - the hallmark sign of truth.

Night 2:

The second night around, I paced myself. 3 cups, but less medicine this time. Night one came on fast, hard, and strong and my body was craving a bit of a more gentle experience.

• This was the night I remembered lifetimes as a Tantrika High Pleasure Priestess in Egypt.

• The night I remembered my purpose as a singer – to guide women to heal their wombs with the almighty power of their own voices.

• The night I looked at the snake I feared so deeply inside and merged with her until we became one.

• The night I stopped looking outside for love and went in and claimed it.

• The night I surrendered my weapons and let myself TRUST the masculine leadership in the room.

• The night I allowed the most sensual & sacred sides of my sexuality to be held and witnessed in a safe community.

• The night I felt the voices of the ancestors sing through me, reawaken my purpose, and gave me the courage to walk into the unknown holding hands with my fear.

• The night I exhaled out of one life and inhaled into the next.

What did Aya teach me about the feminine?

She needs a healthy, masculine structure to let her magic fully out of the box.

She yearns to be witnessed and celebrated in the fullness of her expression within a safe community.

Her power can be used for either destruction or creation – the choice is always up to us.

She knows that some of the deepest, most sacred intimacy isn't found in a romantic partner — but TRUE, authentic sisterhood.

And finally…

The pathway to pleasure, abundance, and true fulfillment in this life starts with the willingness to meet your fear, pain, darkness, masculine, and feminine in the eye, and be willing to tango.

This is the license plate I saw heading into ceremony.

So those are my takeaways…at least the ones I can summarize and share publicly.

If any part of my story resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you.

As always, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

With love, Lydia xo